tuesday

he burst through the door with the enthusiasm
of any three year old.

"Grandpa, I'm home."

Thus Logan announced his arrival at the house.

He had spent Sunday with his mother on a
regular visitation and slept over his mom's
house that Sunday night.

He didn't go to school on Monday as I presume
his mom has that day off and he spent it with her.

He doesn't seem to be any worse from the wear
because of the absence of his mother and seems
to be taking her absence in stride.

Today is Tuesday and the weather in Florida is going
to be 84 so I kept Logan home from school today
and when his brother Kyle and his sister Gabby come
home at 2:30 we will go to Daytona Beach.  and spend
about two hours there.

Kyle's friend Gavin will tag along as his mother and father
are going through a separation also and most of the time
you will find him at our house after school.

It seems to be a gone concluded fact that he is a tag along
in the events that we do.

I got the twenty books I ordered from Amazon and am busy
reading them.   The majority of the books are devoted to
shadow work and the minority are devoted to the GMO
fiasco that has happened in this country.

One thing I learned is that Monsanto tried his GMO in Europe
but they sent him packing.  He is outlawed. and his genetically
modified foods are nowhere to be found.

I've lost thirty pounds under a doctor's care using   -  and i get this confused
i thing it is called hdl growth hormone, a low dose, Vitamin B12 shots.
and following the Paleo diet on my own.  which is cutting out grains.  and
since I have gone organic i don't eat grains anymore.

I stopped taking my high blood pressure pills because it is now
to me within an acceptable range 120/80.  sometimes it goes
to 107 and 110.  and sometimes it hits 134.

I stopped taking statin drugs for high cholesterol because the last
time it was checked before I even went on this diet and lost 30 pounds
it was within normal range and I was still taking them.  since i lost the weight
and watch what i eat. im sure it has gone down lower.

I'm not taking prozac anymore.  and i kind of weaned myself off
that one.  went from 20mg a day to ten mgs every day.  and then
10mgs.  every other day.  then 10 mgs. every four days.  and
eventually i stopped.

im not depressed.  and i seem to be able to weep.  something i
couldn't do in the past.

the only other thing i am having a hard time falling asleep -
so i am trying to find foods that have dopamine and seratonin
in them.

i have a smoothie before i go to bed at night and use organic tart
cherry juice  in blending my protein mix to make it.  anyway i am
still working on that.

found a replacement for pot on line called kratum which is legal
right now in this country - and if you are wondering why i bring
that up its because when i was looking for pain relievers on the
internet this popped up.  so i ordered some and it is sitting in
my bedroom in the box that it came in.  many people make it into a tea
and use it that way.  anyway there is a whole debate raging on the
internet about this particular drug and its habit forming propensities
and whatnot -  i have a wait and see attitude on that one.  i want to
be completely off any shots before i make a judgement about the
tea.

oh, i also have a health coach which i have phone contact with twice
a month, but after the end of this month i am not going to use her
anymore.

the only reason im writing all this stuff and letting you know is because
so far i haven't written anything today.  

Now, as far as the Shadow goes i've been working on the shadow since
i was seven.  sooooo everyone knows the shadow is your ego, right?

well, me and my ego are friends and i guess you could say the same
for the shadow.  so, where does that leave me.  i dunno.
right now my shadow is johnny, because i find him aggravating, he
literally is my shadow in every sense of the word.

also, i don't think you can really come to a place of rest regarding
being humanly developed unless you take your body along with you.
body and mind and soul go along for the ride.
anyway that's what i think.

emily says you can only have enlightened moments - but i don't
need enlghtened moments - that's not what im about - i don't
even like the word enlightened - it sounds like u know something
everyone else doesn't know - and for me that is not what it is
about.  -  it just makes me me.

I think the poem i wrote when i was 20 about people wearing
masks said it then for me and says it for me now.

i just don't know what im going to do with it.

 that is it.  im done.